As a writer and editor at Penthouse, one of my responsibilities is handling reviews of adult novelties (aka sex toys) and interviews with adult film stars (aka porn stars). Not only do I write these fun features for Penthouse, our flagship magazine, but I also do reviews and interviews for our sister publications, Penthouse Forum and The Girls of Penthouse.
While my reviews in Penthouse are fairly infrequent, I write a column for Penthouse Forum called “Guilty Pleasures” that runs in every issue. Each column includes reviews of five or six new products (or older products that I think are still completely relevant). I write about everything from vibrators and dildos to male masturbators and penis pumps, BDSM equipment, erotic books, and everything in between. Somehow, after five years, I still find new things that I find worthy of sharing with my readers, too.
In addition, I frequently interview everyone’s favorite Penthouse Pets for the magazines. Again, my interviews in Penthouse are infrequent, but in each issue of The Girls of Penthouse I put together the “Pet Tweets” feature, which includes a dozen or questions from me and the girls’ fans (who submit their questions via Twitter, hence the column title). An addition 20-30 questions are answered exclusively on the Girls of Penthouse Twitter account. It’s fun to see what the fans are interested in knowing, and it’s always fun to ask the girls all the random questions I have. And the ladies of Penthouse never fail to amaze, amuse or confuse me with their responses.
While most of these fun adult features I write are available only in the print editions of the magazines and not on their respective websites, I’ll be sharing them here on my site as well. You can head on over to my Erotica & Sexuality page to check out past interviews and reviews, and then check back every month for updates.
There’s an army of vibrating animals on my desk. I have a fish, a half-dozen ducks, and this penguin. Everyone thinks I’m joking about the fact that they’re sex toys, so I’m constantly putting batteries in and proving that nothing on my desk it what it seems. I can’t blame them for their confusion, though. This little guy looks so innocent that even I have a hard time believing he was designed for more devious things than keeping my ducks company.
A couple I went to college with got married around the time I was reviewing this product, and though I loved it, I knew I had to give it to them as part of their wedding gift. I showed it to the husband first, wanting to make sure it wouldn’t upset or offend his new wife, and when he saw it, he broke into hysterical laughter. “She’ll love it!” he said. “Though I don’t know if I want to give it to her. She already busts my balls about how whipped I am….” He ended up taking it home that night, and sometime in the wee hours of the morning I got a text from him: “Best. Gift. Ever.” Apparently the wife was very happy to get a hold of the Pussy Whip.
Glass toys are so elegant. I love the way they look. I do have one complaint, though. They all claim to be dishwasher safe. I don’t have a dishwasher, but if I did, I wouldn’t be putting my dildos in there with my bowls and plates and cutlery. It just seems wrong.
The people at Sportsheets are some of the nicest to work with, and they always provide me with more samples than a girl can handle. When I wrote about their Impressions Paddles, they sent me the whole line. The one with BITCH carved into it resides in a vase in my apartment and makes for some interesting conversations when I have guests. There’s nothing like having a constant stream of “product testers” pass through the apartment—-after all, everyone wants to see if the paddle will really leave a mark. (FYI, it does. Every time.) The paddle that reads OUCH hangs on my desk. I like to think of it as a warning sign akin to “Do not feed the bears,” though mine clearly warns others to not annoy the editrix.
My parents subscribe to Penthouse Forum to read my news and reviews columns. When my first issue came out, my mom called to ask about a product I’d reviewed. I got nervous. No one wants their mother asking about sex toys. Not even me. But it wasn’t a dildo or cockring that caught Mom’s attention. It was the Bad Girlfriend Voodoo Doll. She thought it was the most hysterical product ever and asked if she could have it. Instead of sending Mom the promo doll, I bought her and Dad the Bad Husband and Bad Wife versions. They live happily in my parents’ curio cabinet, along with all the other gag gifts I’ve sent them over the years, their collection of Buddhas, touristy shot glasses, and a couple of ceramic roosters. It’s like a miniature version of my apartment in their house.